Oh, David.

A little over a year ago I was blessed to get my brother back. Well, kind of. David, my 22 year old brother is a part of Uncle Sam's Army. And we were so lucky to have him back in our arms after he served a year and a half in Baghdad...I thought it was hard driving to the airport to pick him up when he came back...but now, two nights before he has to leave...I'm not feeling so good.

You see, when David was gone I tried to play dumb, deaf, and blind to everything that was going on over in Iraq. I would change the TV channel, or radio station anytime I could sense any word about a road side bombing...or anything. I try to pretend it's just rainbows and candy over there so I don't stress out too much when he is gone. I used to love war movies...but I can't watch them anymore without feeling sick to my stomach.

All of this sounds like the normal "worryings" (I just made up that word) of an older sister...but really it's more than that. David and I have never had a great relationship...I'm sure we threw back the few "I hate you's" while growing up...and sure alot of brothers and sisters do that...but alot of brothers and sisters grow up and grow close to eachother too...we haven't really had that chance. But to make a long story not so long I won't include all the details. I mean we hug, we "say" I love you, but I really don't feel like it has sunk in to him that I really do cherish him as a little brother. I know he won't read this blog...but as tears stream down my face I wish I could go back 21 years ago and cherish every moment that we had together.

I don't know, maybe had I been a better big sis to him, he wouldn't have got his high school girlfriend pregnant, maybe he wouldn't have joined the army and instead taken up a basketball scholarship, maybe he wouldn't enjoy alcohol and cigarettes so much....I don't know, there are alot of maybe's that I may not have had any control over, but I would love even right now, to hold my 6 foot 4 inch brother in my arms the same way I hold Jaxon and really let him know that I am scared to death that something is going to happen to him.

So where is he going in 2 days? Ramadi...it's been a constant focal point for terrorist activity against US and Iraqi forces. During the summer the temperature stays at 120 degrees...which I'm sure isn't comfortable for those guys over there. I remember the last time David got back, and he was constantly freezing, even on a day where it was 85 degrees outside and I was in shorts and a T-shirt. He once told me the death toll in Ramadi...but I shook my head and stopped listening...and I tried to look it up just now, but that sick feeling started again...so I stopped looking.

I know I'm merely complaining about the possibility of the loss of my brother and there are thousands of families out there who are mourning the loss of their sons, daughters, mothers, fathers etc. But right now I am asking that you all help me pray for my brother, who is the middle child in my family and the oldest of two sons, he is a brother who keeps us smiling even at his most peculiar times, and he is a husband, and a father to a precious 3 year old girl. Please pray that I get to write a blog a year and a half from now rejoicing his safe return to the states and that he will be mentally and emotionally and physically sound. Please pray that tomorrow morning when he comes by to give me a hug goodbye that it is not the last time. Please pray that, for me.