It's a hard day.

Today is a hard day for me. Four years ago, today, something happened to my family that rocked my world. No, I didn't technically lose a family member do to death, but really to a choice. I won't go into details, but it is important for people to know that any decision a person makes in a marriage, it will effect everyone in a family.

The reason why this day is so hard, is because for 21 years of my life I was taught to live a certain way, to treat people a certain way, love people a certain way, to be honest, to live your life as if the Lord is always watching, to make good decisions, to be smart, to not take anything for granted, and many other things that I guarantee many of you were taught as well. Well, all of the things that I was taught were not being practiced, to an extent, by the one person I held on a pedestal my entire life, the one woman I wanted to grow up to be just like.

My mom, made a decision that sent my world crashing down.

I know that a lot of people live through worse tragedies than their parents getting a divorce for whatever reason, but this is my tragedy. This takes a tole on my heart just about every day, and on this day every year anything can set me off. Today it was the song "No One" by Alicia Keys. I bought the CD yesterday and have listened to the song non-stop. Well today on my way to work, the song made me snap, and I cried through my 2 mile drive to work.

I was thinking of when the last time I took a picture with both of my parents. And this is it. The day of my graduation...I don't really know my granny jumped in this picture...but if you know my granny there is really no telling why?! Anyway, this was the last time in 2005 that both of my parents and myself shared a picture together.

I have forgiven my mother as much as my heart allows, but it still breaks at the thought of how my family used to be. I love her so dearly, and I know that she knows that, it is just hard for me to display it the way I used to.

So what gets me through the rough times? Well, my most wonderful husband happened to propose to me the day after my world crashed...and he has taken care of me since. And now I have a little one who makes me smile...then I have my friends who have picked me up more times than I can count. Sorry to have such a pitiful blog today...but it's just one of those days.